I was honoured to be the after-dinner speaker at a Probus group last week. Professionals and businessmen (no women) with an average age of about 80, all with keen and thankfully open minds as I showed them the power of thought. I told a story from Jack Pransky’s book “Somebody Should Have Told Us”, in which he has no ride home from work (a 30 minute journey in rural Vermont in the 1970s) whilst his car is being repaired. Having hitch-­‐ hiked many times previously, he easily found a lift but they could only take him part of the way. It was a beautiful autumn day and he stood enjoying the clean air, stunning scenery and warm sunshine. He had been feeling fantastic until unannounced, the thought popped into his head that he really had to get home and there had been no cars for over 10 minutes. Instantly, he began to feel anxious and agitated. What if he couldn’t get home? What if...

He had enough knowledge to know that this feeling would not change how quickly he got home, so he went back to enjoying the autumn sunshine. Another 5 minutes passed and the thought that he really must get home returned, again causing him to worry before he stopped and went back to being content in the warm sunshine.

He surprised himself at just how many times in the space of a few minutes his feelings changed. They changed every time he had a different thought.

We will always get unproductive or distracting thoughts. We can do nothing about that. But these thoughts will pass on their own, unless we do something with them or make something of them. It is not our thoughts that get us into trouble; it is our thoughts about our thoughts that are the problem. 

I don’t know the answer but what I have noticed is that people who are really focused on what they want seem to succeed much more than those that aren’t.

Now, are they bending reality to their will? Did the Universe give them what they are asking for? Maybe. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? In actual fact, it is more under our control than we realise.

We have a part of our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). It is that part of our unconscious that is outcome-focused. Often when you have decided to buy a new car, perhaps a red mini, you suddenly start seeing red minis everywhere. It is not that more red minis are suddenly on the road, it is your RAS pulling them to your attention, hence you are noticing more. You notice more of what you want.

Since the brain doesn’t process negatives (when asked not to think of a pink elephant, we all imagine a pink elephant, even though we were told not to), it is important to set your goals in a positive way. “I want to be earning £X / week” rather than “I don’t want to be in debt”. After all, no one wants to attract pink elephants (or debt).

So take more control and allow your unconscious to start pulling to your attention opportunities for you to achieve your goals. You will be surprised at what you find.

Don’t believe me? Then try this...

Tell yourself you are going to find some money unexpectedly today. Keep it in the forefront of your mind and look around for it. I guarantee that you will find some money, even if it is just a penny that someone has dropped on the pavement. (Obviously if you find someone’s wallet or a big suitcase full of cash, you may want to take it to the police station!) Now, when you find the money, ask yourself: did you manifest it? Or did you just notice something that usually you wouldn’t? Does it even matter?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7PBOSXcxGs

How many of you have found yourselves at times saying “I have not got time to be ill?”, only to find that some microorganism has other ideas. Or worse still, your body fails you in a more major way.

‘Burnout’ and ‘work/life balance’ are terms in common use but how do we prevent one and get the other right?

When burnout takes over, values get pushed aside so that we can spend every minute working. Priorities shift from living a balanced life to chasing an unobtainable moving target. When you’re single-mindedly chasing after your own often unobtainable goals, you eventually burn out, effectively becoming deadened to the richness of life unfolding all around you. The moments of joy, relaxation, fun, and spiritual refreshment that give meaning and texture to life disappear. When you are in this state, nothing seems to matter anymore. You don’t care about seeing family and friends, exercising, getting a massage or gardening. It’s as if all of your interests, and the ability to enjoy those interests, have dried up.

So how do you recognise when you’re burning out?

Self-Reflection: What Did You Once Enjoy Doing?

Ten pin bowling, a bracing country walk, dancing, gardening, riding roller coasters, golf; it could be anything. For example the simple act of picking up a bowling ball again and rolling it down the alley with those few moments of anticipation, reawakens youthful neural pathways that have not been used for some time and you will soon find yourself laughing and having fun.

You may not remember the joy you once felt in a hobby or activity that has fallen off your radar, so you may need to enlist a friend or loved one in helping you remember.

Think back to a time before you were burned out, when you were at your prime and filled with enthusiasm for life’s possibilities. What did you enjoy doing? Choose one activity (like bowling, for example), and put it on your calendar. This is an experiment. If it rejuvenates you, add it to your regular schedule. If it doesn’t, try choosing another activity from an earlier time in your life instead. So if you feel like you are suffering from burnout, you can use this method to try and regain the enjoyment in your life.

At the start of another new year many of you will be setting the traditional New Year’s resolutions only to find that after not too long these have fallen by the wayside.

I have never been keen to start anything new or remotely challenging on 1st January as I inevitably don’t feel at my best after partying into the small hours! However the end of the year always has me reflecting on the past 12 months and imagining what the next year will bring.

The word resolution comes from the word resolve or to re-solve or to solve again. Many people get into a pattern of re-solving old problems and then not re-solving them because they then turn the process into an event, a static event. Rather than re-solving old problems this year, perhaps it would be more beneficial setting a new direction both professionally and personally, essentially investing in yourself. In the same way as an aircraft makes constant small adjustments in order to keep going in the same direction, so it is also okay for you to make adjustments to your course. Too many people focus on the goal and forget to enjoy the journey.

Take a few moments now to close your eyes and imagine yourself in 12 months and that 2011 has been your best year yet. Really see, hear and feel how good that is. Notice what has happened to make it such an amazing year. What are you doing differently? Who are you with? Turn up the colours and the sounds and enrich those good feelings.

Now notice one small thing that you can do in the next few minutes that will set you on the right direction to really live this year. Do it. Remember to enjoy the journey as this may bring opportunities that you had never imagined possible.

Wishing you a truly amazing 2011.

This metaphor always reminds me of how important it is to prioritise values:

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your House, and your car.

The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all of your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend."

Hoping that you all find space for your glass of wine,

Season's Greetings

Jo

A very important person is watching your every action, listening to your every word, and knows your every thought. That person is you.

Imagine yourself a year from now, looking back on today. Imagine your future self being exceedingly thankful for the way you lived this day.

Then step forward and live today with that in mind. Think, speak and act in such a way that the person you will become inherits many positive benefits from the person you are right now.

Confidence, integrity, strength and effectiveness do not simply appear out of nowhere. They are built by the way you live your life.

And now is your opportunity to live in a powerful, positive way that will benefit your life for a long time to come. Now is your chance to make your future self thankful for the empowering paths you choose to take.

The feedback was awesome and the lesson learned even better. My shoes are the ones that fit me best, especially my best ones.

Be the best self you can.

Phobias are one of the most rewarding things to cure, since the individual has quite literally been frozen by fear, often for many years.

On a recent NLP training, one delegate’s fear of mice and rats was so extreme that she has been unable to look at the recent Weetabix TV advert or indeed any other pictures of small, furry, tailed creatures. The initial trigger had been a small mouse, which had run between her legs as she was coming down stairs aged 4. The mouse was probably more scared than she was! Since then, her anxiety levels have increased over the years as her brain replayed the encounter with the mouse in full technicolour, over and over again, magnifying the fear out of all proportion. Even the mention of a mouse this week had her pale and clammy, with pins and needles in her hands, and ready to run out of the room.

Enter Billy, the rather large pet rat.

Even the sight of his cage at the doorway 30 feet away had her shaking and he was rapidly removed from the room. She re-ran a movie of the initial phobia-inducing incident backwards in her mind repeatedly until it became amusing. About 20 minutes later Billy re-entered the room and was gradually allowed closer and closer. Soon curiosity got the better of the delegate, who peered inside the cage and admitted Billy was rather cute. And within another few minutes, she was giving him a cuddle. They remained new best friends for the afternoon; Billy was not allowed to leave her side and she spent the tea break feeding him biscuits.

That evening, when at home watching TV with her family, she discovered that the featured creature in the Weetabix advert was in fact a hamster!

 I took a piece of Richard Branson’s “screw it, just do it!” attitude and rather unexpectedly, found myself on a plane over Birmingham with 120 flying phobics on Sunday. (The view when flying at 4000 feet above Warwick Castle was absolutely stunning!) Not actually scared of flight at all myself, I was assisting the amazing team from Virgin Atlantic’s ‘Flying Without Fear’ programme.

               The day began with many people so anxious that they were in tears before they had even walked into the room. Thankfully our techniques work quickly and easily on most people and a few quick 1-to-1 sessions got everyone in the room feeling more comfortable.

               Steve, the Virgin pilot, used his wicked humour, huge sense of compassion and vast experience to explain to the group just how planes fly and therefore all the noises and feelings we experience whilst flying. I learned that when building a plane, the wings are bent to 90 degrees, that the wing goes all the way through the body of the plane (and so can’t fall off) amongst other technical stuff. Dave the cabin crew trainer explained that the primary role of the crew is safety and dispelled any myths about coded messages between crew members signalling impending disaster (when actually they are just asking for more gin for the man in 34E). Paul then explained the psychology of fear and Gill taught the group a variety of NLP and TFT techniques to use to overcome their fear.

               They were then taken in smaller groups to the airport, through check-in and security as normal and 98% of people got on the plane. Those that didn’t, did so out of choice and admitted that even though they did not fly, they had come a long way towards conquering their fear of flying that day. The cheer at the end of the flight as the plane landed was amazing. Even more incredible was the blind girl with her guide dog (a flying virgin and definitely the calmest passenger). Watching the cabin crew go through the safety check with someone who can’t see was a real eye opener for me. Sitting and talking her through the flight and trying to be her eyes and reassure her was a challenge I had not expected. She made it through and now feels that the turbulence she once feared is just a bit of discomfort and nothing compared to the pain she endured with her recent surgery.

               I would like to thank Paul, Richard, Gill and the rest of the Virgin Atlantic ‘Flying Without Fear’ team for the opportunity to be part of such a great day.

 

www.flyingwithoutfear.info

It has been another life changing weekend for me and many others. Saturday saw 700 smiling faces after a day with Paul McKenna in London learning how to re-programme their habits around food. All the feedback was very positive and showed that everyone enjoyed themselves on the day. Most people said they could not believe how easy it all seemed. The proof will be in how many of them actually follow the rules. The figures show that 71% of people lose weight successfully and keep it off compared to 9% with most diets. The other 29 % are not actually doing it. I love the fact that I have not yet been asked a medical question on one of these days that I can’t say to the person, “yes it is ok for you to do this”, even if they have to modify it to work with a condition such as their diabetes

Yet more news headlines this week that highlight how little is being done for war heroes with PTSD. This time the Daily Mail highlighted the story of Johnson Beharry VC veteran of the Gulf War.

To read more, you can go to http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278998/Johnson-Beharry-Victoria-Cross-hero-attempted-suicide-driving-car-lamppost.html#ixzz0olZQeRXF

Johnson has clearly suffered from many of the symptoms of PTSD including: nightmares, flashbacks, outbursts of anger, a failed marriage and ultimately a suicide attempt, in which he drove his car into a lamppost at 100mph. Once again, the NHS has been praised in their treating of physical injuries but they appear to have done little, if anything, to effectively help with the psychological trauma.

He says that the way veterans' mental problems were treated was 'disgraceful' and charities were being left to patch up 'holes' in care.

In a fit of indignation, I rang the Daily Mail in the hopes of being able to contact and ultimately help... as of yet, I’ve had no reply but watch this space!

Sometimes our most inspiring moments appear when we are least expecting them.

For me recently this came at the end of a rather dull day of diabetes and cardiology updates when the key note speaker was Simon Weston talking about living with PTSD.  www.simonweston.com

He captivated the room of over 300 doctors and indeed brought a lump to the throats of many of us with his account of the blowing up of the Sir Galahad in 1982 and his subsequent struggle back to health. After no less than 85 operations he was physically able to do many of the things that he wanted: drive a rally car, fly a plane, marry and have children. However, for 24 years his life was overshadowed by the nightmare and flashbacks of PTSD. He encouraged us, as physicians, to look at alternatives, especially NLP. He emphasised that the last thing patients need when they are suffering from PTSD is to be drugged up and that a lot of conventional therapies are slow painful and ineffective.  He and a number of his friends and colleagues have been treated with NLP and are now free of their nightmares. He described it as feeling as though the elastic round his chest had snapped and he could finally take a deep breath and breathe properly again.

What really hit me that day though was the statistics: 255 killed in the Falklands, 300 lost to suicide afterwards. Simon himself admits to very low times including a suicide attempt.

Talking to him afterwards it appears that the armed services still do not recognise NLP as an effective treatment of PTSD, if indeed they really admit to the existence of PTSD in the first place. Whether like the Americans they are frightened of the potential scale of litigation and payouts I am not sure.

A recent advert in the medical press for a civilian doctor for the army wanted someone who will help to get soldiers back to the frontline as soon as possible.  With this goal in mind, I think that they need to improve their treatment of servicemen’s mental health and seek the services of experienced NLP practitioners in order to achieve this.